Functional Conditioning

An old, but nevertheless excellent, resource on strength and conditioning methods is Judo:Training Methods by Donn Draeger and Takashiko Ishikawa.

I regularly use drill that can be found in this book to warm-up the class and condition them. One of the beautiful features of the exercises and drill is that they directly relate to Judo techniques and situations. Judo is a fine martial art, a living martial art, and an art that marries form and function.

Many of the drills in this book have been appropriated by other arts, such as Brazilian Jiu Jutsu. This is an excellent primer on basic conditioning methods. Certainly there have been advances in fitness since the 1950's when this was written. A wise student would seek out the latest information. However, it seems to me that "what's old is new again" in many instances with fitness. Consider, for instance the resurgence of Medicine Balls and kettlebells. Perhaps more martial artists should check into this book for insight.

A sincere apology

I, the Antagonistic Buddha, must apologize to our loyal readers for the delay between postings. It was not our intention to interrupt our chronicles. However, we were absorbed in our main work.

We shall endeavor to remain regular in our posts from now on.

Thank you for spending time with the Antagonistic Buddha.

Quotes

Unarmed hand-to-hand fighting does not change through the ages; only the name changes, and it has only one rule: do it first, do it fast, do it dirtiest. -- Robert Heinlein

Do not get into a fight if you can possibly avoid it, but never hit soft. Don't ever hit a man unless you must, but if you hit him, put him to sleep. -- Theodore Roosevelt

A dog at play has the mind of a wise martial arts master; a mind capable of perfect focus. -- Marc-Christophe

The Lost Weekend

Greetings, Gentles! I am the Stout Master, and I continue my chronicle of the Antagonistic Buddha's early years, a time when he was still known by his given name, J_____.

Our view of history is somewhat clouded between the time when Scratch hijacked the Drunken Disciples of God and renamed it The Hand, and the moment J_____ bid farewell to the Community of Drunken Scholars. We do know this period was only a matter of a few weeks, but our sources our murky at best. Obviously, this was a bittersweet and even painful time for J_____; so the Antagonistic Buddha is quiet. The usual written records -- yearbooks, school and local newspapers, and the like can corroborate only the most salient facts.

We do know that Tom Collins and J_____ both tendered resignations to Scratch, thought they refused to recognize The Hand, and addressed the letters to the Drunken Disciples of God. The Drunken Master himself remained so besotted with Kate that he remained and participated -- although his inebriation grew worse and worse. Scratch quickly recruited replacements for Tom Collins and J_____, and -- though somewhat embarrassed to do so -- called for another name change vote. J_____ had brought attention to the fact that Marvel Comics might have an Intellectual Property claim on the name, "The Hand." Scratch finally settled on the arguably more sinister sounding, The Left Hand.

It seems that J_____ was happy to leave Scratch and his sycophants -- at least at first. He was able to devote himself to finishing his schooling, complete final exams, and prepare for graduation. His only regret was leaving the Drunken Master. However, there was no reasoning with his old friend.

Graduation weekend would prove to be a turning point in J_____'s life. It began innocently enough with the widespread partying that earned the school the nickname, The Community of Drunken Scholars. However, as the day wore on, J_____, Tom Collins, and even the Drunken Master came under increasing harassment from supporters of The Left Hand. At one point, the friction threatened to become a full-scale brawl, except that the Old Warrior made a sudden appearance in order to have a final word with his protege. The Antagonistic Buddha has never revealed what was said, though there is much speculation which we will address in future posts.

J_____, Tom Collins, and Drunken Master held a private party that evening. All went well until Scratch crashed the party and made a scene. The Drunken Master flew into a rage and threatened Scratch before melting onto the carpet in a torrent of tears over Kate. J_____ and Tom Collins closed the party and ushered everyone out. Then they decided to sober up their friend by getting a late dinner and some strong coffee into him. They took him to the closest all-night diner.

They took him the Drunken Master to the Lincoln Diner.

Quotes

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. -- Dave Barry

Strategy is the craft of the warrior. -- Miyamoto Musashi

I am undefeated in all of Asia. Of course, I have never fought in any of Asia. Which pretty much guarantees I'm undefeated there. -- Anonymous

The Unexpected

The cup is before us. You look for the tea, but note with delight my sake bottle.

Expect the Unexpected.

I pour sake for you.

A young samurai swordsman had bee making quite a name for himself in the provinces, and after defeating a particularly renowned opponent, he felt confident enough to journey to Edo. He sought a duel with Yagyu Jubei Mitsuyoshi, the kenjutsu instructor to the Shogun.

Jubei was a fearsome sight for the young man. He looked a bit wild, and sported an eye patch to mask a dueling injury. Jubei inspected the young man and called for his servant, Gentatsu. Gentatsu hobbled into the courtyard on a crutch.

"If you can defeat Gentatsu with your sword," Jubei said to the young samurai, "Then I will fight you."

"You want me to fight this cripple? Don't be ridiculous."

"I have taught Gentatsu all the rudiments of martial art," said Jubei, "You will find him a worthy opponent."

The samurai drew his sword and took up an aggressive posture. Gentatsu bowed and shuffled into position in front of the young man.

The samurai stepped forward screaming, and Gentatsu leaped out of the way of the coming strike. Gentatsu's hands flicked, and the young samurai fell dead to the ground. A half-dozen shuriken were embedded in his chest.

"When will these men learn that there is more to martial arts then just swordplay?" asked Gentatsu.

Again, that is enough sake.

Thank you for spending time with the Antagonistic Buddha.

Deshi's Report

Spring has arrived! Training has been interrupted by our efforts to clean the gardens of the wintry debris and bring life again to the rows.

We are not completely self-sufficient, but we do grow a significant proportion of our own food. So all hands were necessary to clean this past week. Unfortunately, no one remembered to update this blog; and so, constant readers, we were unable to explain our absence to you.

A thousand apologies.

In penance, we shall endeavor to provide some of our recipes to you at a later date. If it seems out of place that cloistered warriors would revel in culinary arts, remember that food is a celebration of life.

Our training has not been completely neglected, instead we use our current labors as a testing ground for our skills. The Great Sage himself cleared some fallen branches and used his tomahawk to chop wood into manageable pieces for the compost heap. Others have found wood suitable for working into training tools. And some are content to condition their bodies through the hard labor.

Quotes

The ninja, unholy master of terror. No one will admit they still exist. -- ad copy for The Octagon

The reason why Kajukenbo practitioners wear black gis is you didn't have to wash it as often and it hid the blood stains better! -- Kajukenbo founder founder Grandmaster Adriano Emperado

When an old man is able to defeat many attackers, how could it be due to his strength? -- Wang Chung Yueh

Quotes

One of the most striking features of karate is that it may be engaged in by anybody, young, or old, strong or weak, male or female. -- Gichin Funakoshi.

Kempo fits itself to you, not the other way around. -- Shoalin Kempo Grandmaster Fred Villari

Firm footwork is the fount from which springs all offense and defense. -- Giacomo diGrasse

Deshi's Report: Recruiting Efforts

Greetings! I am Deshi; a pupil of the Antagonistic Buddha.





Recent emails through this website have inquired about joining our training with the Antagonistic Buddha; the Great Sage.





Our path is not every one's path. We have many means of recruitment, though generally prospective students embark upon our path long before they realize it.





In my case, I answered a blind advertisement similar to this one:

Following this, I experienced a series of seemingly serendipitous encounters that put me in contact with the Great Sage's disciples. Finally, after much preparation, I made the traditional, arduous climb to join the community.

I am sorry I can not be more specific. If you are meant to join us, you will know when you are ready what to do...

Quotes

If you can't beat your computer at chess, try it at kickboxing. -- Anonymous

Under the sword lifted high
There is hell making you tremble:
But go ahead,
And you have the land of bliss.
-- Miyamoto Musashi

All martial artists are beginners; some of us have just been beginning longer! -- J.R. West

A Day in the Life

I am the Stout Master, and I continue my chronicle of the Antagonistic Buddha's life. I answered a summons to the Antagonistic Buddha's quarters. He greeted me and invited me to sit with him. He seemed pensive.

"Stout Master, I noticed your work on the Old Warrior seemed curt."

"Perhaps, Great Sage. But I tried to relay what you have told us."

He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, and massaged it gently. A smile flickered across his face as he finished, "Yes, perhaps I have been reticent about my relationship with him."

The Antagonistic Buddha poured himself a Jameson. He held up a second tumbler and looked at me. I waved the unspoken offer away. He sat down opposite me.

"He was not an easy teacher, you know."

"Please," I said, "What was he like?"

"Breathe out... slowly... do not gulp," said the Old Warrior.

J_____ lay flat on the forest floor. He was dressed in a black sweatshirt and camouflage pants. The Old Warrior, with his pet crow Odin perched on his shoulder, stood on J_____'s abdomen. J_____ struggled to lift the Old Warrior with every inhalation, and his muscles ached.

"If you do not breathe correctly, you do not move correctly."

J_____ grunted and groaned. Odin cackled.

"Pitiful," The Old Warrior sighed, "I can see the deadly hamburger has done its evil work."

"Am I in hell?" J_____ wheezed.

"Not yet," replied the Old Warrior. He stepped off J_____. Odin took wing and alighted on a nearby limb.

J_____ stumbled to his feet and brushed off the dirt and dead leaves, "You know, sir, there are times when I really like you."

"Of course," The Old Warrior said, grinning.

"And there are times when I could really kill you."

"Good! We will practice that next."

The Old Warrior raised his walking staff and took a fighting stance. J_____ searched the underbrush for a stick. The Old Warrior circled.

"You move like a pregnant yak," taunted the Old Warrior, then he launched a series of strikes before J_____ could arm himself.

"Hey!" cried J_____, "Give me a chance; I'm still learning."

"To learn my teachings, I must first teach you how to learn," The Old Warrior swung with a second flurry of attacks.

"Jesus!" J_____ shouted. He rubbed his side where the stick struck him.

"Concentrate! This is no time for prayer."

J_____ focused and assumed a defensive posture. The Old Warrior attacked again. J_____ managed to intercept -- painfully -- about half of the strikes.

"Your reflexes are pitiful! The seasons move faster!"

"Why are you always criticising me?" J_____ avoided a single thrust, dropped quickly and came up with a thick branch.

"He who questions training only trains himself at asking questions," answered the Old Warrior.

The two men exchanged mighty blows in a whirlwind of sticks. These freeplay sessions in the woods were meant to break J_____ of the bad habits he acquired in dojo training. His footwork was more narrow to stay balanced in the uneven terrain and he looked for obstacles that might snag his weapon in flight.

J_____ inserted his stick between the Old Warrior's wrists and twisted. He managed to disarm the Old Warrior, and J_____ surprised himself with the move.

Taking advantage of the gap in J_____'s defenses, the Old Warrior simply snatched the short stick out of J_____'s hand. The Old Warrior tossed the stick under a bush and smiled. J_____ frowned and continued to attack bare handed. Punch after kick after punch flew at the Old Warrior. The Old Warrior avoided the strikes by blending and flowing into the dead space just in front of J_____.

"Pathetic. You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums."

J_____ grew angry and switched to Drunken Boxing. The Old Warrior took one of J_____'s wrists and twisted sharply. J_____ flipped in mid-air and crashed onto the ground.

"Your temper is very quick, my student. But until you learn to master your rage..."

"'My rage will become my master?' That's what you were going to say. Right? Right?"

Odin flew down and perched on the Old Warrior's shoulder. He frowned, "Not necessarily."

Quotes

Never leave an enemy standing. -- Shaka Zulu

The teaching of one virtuous person can influence many; that which has been learned well by one generation can be passed on to a hundred. -- Jigoro Kano

Deja Fu: the feeling that somewhere, somehow you've been kicked in the head like this before. -- Anonymous

A Proper Base

We approach the empty cup.

You have been patient while I addressed some of the preliminaries of training; such as the proper wearing of the uniform, the rudiments of fitness through running, and stretching. Although much more could be said at this point, I want to begin on the fundamentals of training. We shall return at some later date to the details of belts, or the advanced exercises of the Aiki Taiso and Judo conditioning. Now we turn to the essence of self-defense: kamae.

I pour tea into your cup.

Kamae is often translated as "posture" or "stance." As we shall see, this is a gloss on the meaning and can misdirect the student's attention. For the moment, however, it shall suffice. The image of an aggressive stance goes hand-in-glove with the proper image of martial arts. However, we shall see that proper kamae need not appear threatening in true Budo.

What is the proper way to stand? Fortunately, Budoka do not need to relearn how to stand so much as understand how to stand efficiently. There is no special way to stand.

Please follow with me as I describe. Get out of your chair and take to your feet. Breathe in deeply and exhale slowly. Relax; just let your arms hang naturally at your sides. Look straight ahead. This is a comfortable, natural stance for you. It is possible that like many Americans you have conditioned yourself to stand awkwardly and now feel comfortable in bad posture. Let us explore a proper stance in more detail and you may consider any differences.

Please balance yourself on your two feet. The weight should rest in your feet; that is, not on your heels or excessively in the toes. Your knees should remain flexed, not locked. If balanced correctly, you should find your feet about shoulder width apart.

Are your shoulders back? Push your chest out slightly and bring the shoulders back. This should create a shallow, inward curve in your lower back. Now, slightly tense your abdominals. Let the arms simply dangle to the sides.

Your neck should not be pitched forward. If it is, tilt your head back and very slightly tuck your chin.

You may feel like a soldier standing at attention. You'll want to maintain the confident feeling, but discard the tension that may accompany this posture. Relax; breathe in and out -- draw the air into your abdomen.

You are now standing in Shizen no Kamae -- our first posture. Hopefully, it is not too far off from the stance in which you began. Shizen is a natural posture. I consider it a neutral posture. Your shoulders are over your hips, which are over your knees, which are over your feet. You are on balance, but prepared to move in any direction. Yet you are not in any obvious state of attack or defence. Shizen is common to many Budo.

Let us take another neutral stance. Make a comfortable step forward with your right foot. Do not think too hard about this -- just step. Your foot should touch the ground somewhat closer to your centerline in order to maintain your balance. Now turn your left foot out so both feet form an "L"-shape. The heels should be in a line.

Turn your upper body so you are facing the same direction that your right foot is pointing. If you are comfortable and on balance, then you are standing in Migi Hanmi no Kamae. This posture can be made more active by bringing your hands into play.

This same posture, with the left foot forward is Hidari Hanmi no Kamae.

Please step back into Shizen no Kamae. Again, don't fret about shifting the feet any particular way; just step naturally. Now -- please humor me -- step back into Migi Hanmi no Kamae. Then return to Shizen.

It is important to understand that kamae are not static postures. Kamae are snapshots of the body in proper (i.e. balanced and protected) movement. Grasping the intimate relationship of kamae to movement will make the final point easier to understand.

Students will ask dozens of questions about kamae: how is my weight distributed? Where do my hands go? Where do my feet go? How deep do I bend my knees? Questions demand answers, and the teacher too often provides them. The teacher will describe the "perfect" kamae, when in reality, the student will never experience such a posture outside the controlled environment of the dojo.

Kamae vary with the situation. Kamae flow in response to the opponents. The more one practices, the more one recognizes that certain postures promote balance and protection and mobility. Also, the Budoka realizes there is no such thing as a perfect kamae.

An apology

I apologize for not having a longer message today. An emergency demanding our attention has announced itself. All of our resources are converging upon the threat.

Please rest assured that we are out for justice. We shall not rest until the threat has been neutralized.

Thank you for spending time with the Antagonistic Buddha.

Quotes

Never give a sword to a man who can not dance. -- Anonymous

A ninja is a silent wraith with a razor-edged blade in one hand and a scaling grapple in the other. Ninjas can penetrate the most sophisticated defense and leave without a trace. They are mystic swordsman, spies, acrobats, quick-change artists and conjurers. -- Larry Hama, writer.

That which does not kill us, must have missed us. -- Miowara Tomokato

Deshi's Report: The Art of Deception

I, Deshi, deliver my report on this week's training.

As I have mentioned before, most of us studying with the Antagonistic Buddha arrived as accomplished martial artists. The mythology and mistaken notions so many ordinary people carry regarding martial arts have already been purged. We are realists about our training. Long hours of hard training have taught us that skill comes through work, and is paid for in sweat, tears, and -- not infrequently -- blood and injury. We put little stock in the mystical.

We finished a session this week and the class began to disperse. One of the older students muttered a joke to his partners about how the technique we'd been practicing would've been easier if he had the power to cloud men's minds. This jest caught the Antagonistic Buddha's attention.

The Great Sage clapped -- the sound split the air like thunder -- and called the class back to attention.

"Clarke made it clear: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

The students watched the Great Sage expectantly.

"Technology is applied science. What else is martial arts but applied science? We take advantage of physics at every opportunity. Should our application of science end with physics? The power you are joking about is merely applied psychology.

"Sonshi wrote: All warfare is based upon deception. For example, a quick feint to the head draws the opponent's guard so you may strike elsewhere. Do we not apply psychology when we exploit misdirection? This is Kyojutsu -- an exchange of truth and lies. Kyojutsu is related to the feats of Genjutsu."

We looked as each other, for few of us had heard this term before. The Great Sage sensed our confusion and so, he demonstrated the "Unbendable Arm," and then the "Immovable Seat." He invited students to test him on these. None could budge him, and many were amazed.

The Antagonistic Buddha shook his head, "These are but parlor tricks. Genjutsu is nothing but stage magic. I am manipulating your minds through feats of physics. You believe you see the impossible because you are distracted."

He then explained how these tricks work. (Please note: when I told the Great Sage of my topic this week, he asked me not to divulge the "secrets." The truly curious can easily find out how to perform these feats, but it is not our job to make it easy for the unscrupulous.)

"The tricks of Genjutsu are useless in and of themselves. But you may employ Genjutsu to unbalance your opponent's mind strategically. Misdirect their attention so it is difficult for them to assess your true ability.

"Let your opponents enhance your legend for you. It was said, for example, that a Shaolin Monk could walk through walls; but it was not a Shaolin Monk who said this. Likewise, most people will tell you that ninja do not exist; but that is exactly what the ninja want you to believe."

He smiled at this.

"As you advance here, you will learn to use seemingly magical abilities. But you will also learn the ordinary nature and limitations of them. There is nothing mystical and mysterious about clouding a man's mind. Women have been doing this since before history."

Quotes

The time to strike is when the opportunity presents itself. -- Attributed to Isshinryu Karatedo

It's not just self-defense... it's about self control, body discipline, and mind discipline... and breath techniques. It involves yoga. It involves meditation. It's an art, not a sport. -- Elvis Presley

"Ow" is not a Kenpo word. -- Jonathan Vance

Quotes

When two tigers fight, one is certain to be maimed, and one to die. -- Gichin Funakoshi

One or two out of every 0ne hundred students reach black belt, and of those, only one out of every one thousand achieves his second dan. -- Masutatsu Oyama

We are creating a fighting force of extraordinary measure! We forge our bodies in the spirit of our ancestors. -- Kentucky Fried Movie: Fistful of Yen

The Pliant Art

We approach the empty cup.

Let us recall one again Bodhidharma's gift to the Shaolin monks: a treatise on exercises to maintain health that eventually gave rise -- according to legend -- to all the techniques of kung fu. Flexibility and suppleness are fundamental to Budo. Indeed, this is one possible meaning of the character "Ju" in the words "Judo" and "Jujutsu." So, in the words of the Muse from Down Under, "Let's get physical."

I pour Gatorade into your cup.

Many Japanese Budo include a set of exercises, called "Taiso," to enhance the Budoka's flexibility and overall health. Taiso primarily do two things: first, stretch the major muscle groups, and second, increase the range of motion in the joints. Taiso exercises should be performed slowly and deliberately.

Here is one set of Taiso exercises you may use:

1.) Kiekome seizhin: This is a massage of the legs to warm-up the large muscle groups. In seiza, use both fists to vigorously "tap" on the thighs. Do not punch your thighs or strike too hard, but do not use so little force that you can not feel the tap.

2.) Kokyuho: This is a breath exercise. It calms the body, and clears old air from the lungs. It also awakens the muscles of the upper body and activates your awareness of posture. In seiza, breathe in and out deeply. Let your chest expand to the limit.

3.) Ashi yubi, ashi kubi no undo: These exercise the feet. Sit in half-lotus, or fudoza. Take a foot and rotate the toes, then rotate the whole foot at the ankle. Then massage the sole by rubbing it. Repeat on the other foot.

4.) Ashi soko awase zenkutsu: This is a classic butterfly stretch to open the hips. Sit on the floor and let the soles of the feet touch. Using gentle, continuous pressure, push down on the knees to touch the floor.

5.) Ashi hiroge zenkotsu: Spread the legs to each side; be sure to keep the toes pointing up. Keep the back straight and then touch the chest to the floor. It helps to bend from the lower back.

6.) Ashi narabe zenkutsu: Set the legs straight out on the floor. Keep the toes pointing up and the knees flat. Reach out to grab the soles of the feet.

7.) Ashi age kutsu: Lie on your back and put your arms straight out to the sides. Keeping the legs as straight as possible, bring them over your head and try to touch the toes to the floor. Do not hold your breath.

8.) Sesuji Nobashi: Start in push-up position. In the first movement, arch your back and look skyward. Then, without moving the hands, bend your knees and attempt to sit in seiza. Finish by curling the back forward and looking downward.

9.) Kokutsu: Start in seiza. Slide the legs out to either side, then lie backward, keeping the back flat. (Note: I have spoken to a physical therapist who says this "W"-style sitting is unhealthy for your knees.)

10.) Shushi kata mawashi: Start in seiza. Rotate the fingers and wrists. Massage the palms. Roll the shoulders. traditionally, the next instruction is to roll the head, but turning your head -- gently -- in all directions to stretch the neck is also acceptable. Finish by looking in all directions without turning your head.

11.) Hiza koshi no kusshin: Start in shizen no kamae, then bend to touch the toes. Roll the knees, the waist, and then the arms.

12.) Teashi no furi mawashi: Start in shizen no kamae. Swing your arms to the front and rear.

Your cup is full. There is more to share on the topic of Taiso, but that is plenty for now.

Thank you for spending time with the Antagonistic Buddha.

The Hand comes down

Greetings, Gentles! I am the Stout Master, and we now return to our chronicle of the Antagonistic Buddha's early years, when he was still known by his given name, J_____.

In our last article, Scratch and Kate's relationship had tipped the Drunken Master over the edge, and J_____ was preoccupied with rehearsals for his musical theater debut. The Drunken Master had suffered a compete breakdown in public, but J_____ came to his aid.

J____ nursed his mentor back to health, although it took a good week and plenty of afternoon martinis to accomplish the task. However, the Drunken Master's emotional state was still very precarious. He was convinced that Kate loved him, and he merely had to prove himself worthy. J_____ and Tom Collins both tried to free the Drunken Master of this delusion, but he would not budge from his conviction.

To make matters worse, Kate insisted on visiting the convalescing Drunken Master. J_____ and Tom Collins both pleaded with her to stay away, but she refused.

In a show of solidarity to the outside, the Drunken Disciples of God all attended the Friday night opening of Little Shop of Horrors. They sat together in the front row, and Scratch was the first to leap to his feet for the standing ovation at J_____'s curtain call. It was a very public display of unity.

On Saturday night, as J_____ appeared again on stage, the other four Drunken Disciples of God sat down for their weekly meeting. Buzz had been building all day around the rumor that Scratch would make an important proposal, so the room was packed with onlookers.

After agreeing that four constituted a quorum, the floor was opened for new business. Scratch rose and began his proposal. In his view, the "Drunken Disciples of God," while a memorable and evocative name, did not carry the gravitas necessary for the group to become a true player in the community and continue after the current members left. In place of this name, Scratch proposed, "The Hand."

"The hand has five fingers," Scratch gestured at the five seats around the table, "Each of which can exist independently of others. However, when the five fingers of the hand come together for a single unified purpose..." At this, Scratch clenched his uplifted hand into a fist. "The hand becomes an object of unwavering power."

A murmur went through the gathered crowd. Every one of them knew the Drunken Disciples of God was the name suggested by the Drunken Master himself. The proposal was not merely a change in name, it was a bid for leadership and control of the group. And through all this, the Drunken Master seemed more interested in constructing a pyramid from the shot glasses he was emptying at an alarming rate.

Tom Collins replied with a protest and desperately tried to rouse the Drunken Master's interest. Kate pressed the matter by calling for a vote. Tom Collins urged the group wait until J_____ was available to take part in the vote. Kate reminded him that the group had a quorum.

Without waiting for assent, Scratch voted in favor of the name change. Tom Collins countered with a loud, "No." Kate let the echo fade, then voted in favor.

All eyes turned to the Drunken Master. He, however, was looking at Kate. Tears glistened in his eyes while he watched her.

And then he voted in favor of changing the name.

Quotes

Many others stumble along this way because they are cognizant only of the "bu"-element of the word "bugeisha." They know their study is of the "martial," the arts if war and conflict. But a true bugeisha is also a person (sha) trying to transform the arts of battle (bu-) into a study of beauty and universal truths, or "gei." Very few martial artists, even in Japan, grow mature enough at such an early age to attain this realization. The flash and color of tournaments, of fleeting notoriety, of stardom and glamour, capture them and lead them astray. -- Wayne Muromoto.

He who hesitates, meditates in the horizontal position. -- Ed Parker

At some point, I fully intend to compete in a bat'leth tournament. We'll see if there's anyone who does love steel combat because that's what us Klingons do. -- Quoted for "awesomeness" from Bullshido.net

Truth in Kata Training; Deshi's Report

I, Deshi, shall report on this week's training with the Antagonistic Buddha.

We spent much of this week focused on kata training. Few of us come here with no prior training. Many of the neophytes are already very experienced martial artists and fighters. So we are not unaware of the controversy outside our conclave surrounding kata training. Some will adhere to their vow of obedience and perform kata without complaint, others will grumble and endure kata as a rest period between randori.

The Antagonistic Buddha watched us all week without addressing the evident lack of effort. On Saturday morning, he invited two advanced students to demonstrate a bo kata we had drilled most of the week. They performed the kata flawlessly. The Great Sage nodded and invited them to do it again. They continued to repeat the kata several more times, never lessening the intensity.

Suddenly, with a sickening crack, one student's bo snapped about a foot from the end. Unfazed, the two students continued the kata. They never missed a thrust or parry; if anything, the attacker pressed his advantage. The now splintered end of the bo whistled within inches of the attacker, and the man wielding the bo adjusted his distance to the shorter weapon.

The Antagonistic Buddha called them to stop. The hall fell silent.

"When done correctly," said the Antagonistic Buddha, "Kata is a choreographed meeting with Death -- not a pre-arranged dance."

He let that settle, then continued.

"Tori is not 'doing' the technique in the kata. Uke attacks! It is Uke's job to perfect the attack. He must attack effectively -- that is, he should complete the attack if possible. Uke must learn how he is weak during the attack and seek to correct those weaknesses. Tori's first task in kata is to avoid the attack -- this is success. What keeps the two people safe is the foreknowledge of which attack and response is coming next. Even if Tori can avoid the attack and respond as prescribed, his job is not finished. Just as Uke must improve his attack through study, Tori seeks to understand why the kata's prescribed movements work. Both sides are equally active in kata."

Quotes

I am a Cobra and these Words are my Venom
And through my Magickal Lore
I shall capture your Mind and Spew my Poison into Your Eyes
Then my world will become Your World and you Shall Die!
-- Some "Twit" on rec.martial-arts

When in doubt, knock 'em out. -- "Big" Vinny Girolamo

When pure knuckles meet pure flesh, that's pure Karate, no matter who executes it or whatever style is involved. -- Ed Parker

Connections

Recently, the Antagonistic Buddha asked me, the Stout Master, to visit with my camera. We are all beginning our Spring cleaning, and the Antagonistic Buddha discovered an old box in his closet. Inside were more keepsakes handed to him by his mentor, the Old Warrior.

Since these are Army insignia, the Antagonistic Buddha believes these were Tex's belongings and kept by his friend, the Old Warrior. They are still a connection between Old Warrior and the Great Sage; teacher and student. They serve as reminders of this branch of the Antagonistic Buddha's Budo lineage.

This discovery spurred me to ask the Great Sage if he had any other memorabilia to share. He smiled and shrugged before hinting, "Perhaps." I suspect he does have more to share, but is waiting for a more appropriate opportunity to reveal it.

Quotes

We staunch traditionalists know that appearance is everything. Technique is nowhere near as important as having your pleats straight when you die. -- Steve Gombosi

When in trouble, or in doubt: cut down all who move about. -- Frederick J. Lovret.

If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it. -- William Arthur Ward

The Drunken Master Stumbles

Greetings, Gentles! I am the Stout Master. Let us return to the chronicle of the Antagonistic Buddha's early travels. This was the time when he was still known by his given name, J_____.

Our last two articles were a necessary detour to regard J_____'s first meeting and subsequent martial training with his mentor, the Old Warrior. Before that, we were reviewing the history of the Drunken Disciples of God, a secret society devoted to debate and founded by J_____'s other mentor, the Drunken Master. We had established the permanent roster for the group; the Drunken Master, J_____, Tom Collins, and the two last members, Kate and Scratch. When we left them, conflict was brewing.

The source of this conflict was the Drunken Master's infatuation with Kate. The Drunken Master pursued Kate, and she -- from time to time -- allowed herself to be caught. This was amenable to both of them for awhile. And -- for awhile -- there was no rival to the Drunken Master. Scratch, however, changed that.

There was an undeniable -- almost animal -- attraction between Kate and Scratch. They tried, at first, to hide their affair from the others. But as the flame of their passion grew, caution fell aside. It was never clear why they had tried to conceal their relationship, but J_____ wanted to believe it was out of respect for the Drunken Master.

As the nature of the relationship between Kate and Scratch became open, the Drunken Master plummeted into an inconsolable, black despair.

The reader may well ask why J_____ did not do more to end the Drunken Master's downward spiral. Surely the wise counsel of a trusted friend would've helped the Drunken Master heal his broken heart and move on from his obsession with Kate?

Unfortunately, J_____ was deeply involved with another important project.

J_____ had landed his dream role as the scene-stealing, sadistic dentist, Orin Scrivello, in the Spring production of Little Shop of Horrors. It had long been a desire of his to appear in musical theater and he was determined to earn the audience's love. But he knew it would be an uphill battle.

So, while the Drunken Master descended into a personal hell, J_____ was studying old Elvis movies, or working with a voice coach. J_____ struggled to master the footwork of the grapevine and learned to properly shimmy his fingers for jazz hands. Traditionally, the actor playing Orin also plays many of the incidental characters who appear throughout the play. J_____ had to master the art of the quick change, and was the first actor to wear full costume in rehearsal in order to learn the timing of changes.

With all this going on, it wasn't until he was called out of bed early on Tuesday morning that J_____ realized something was wrong with his friend. J_____ responded to the Quad, where the Drunken Master was stumbling through his Drunken Monkey forms and throwing crumpled, empty beer cans at passers-by. As J_____ caught his friend, the Drunken Master began to sob uncontrollably.

The Power of Myth

The empty cup is before us. You expect me to pour tea, but I shake my head. Today we will drink of a different beverage. It is good to have variety...

Every trade has its own myths and legends. Soldiers tell war stories. Sailors talk of storms and mermaids. Salesmen tell of fast-talkers who could sell shoes to a double amputee. There is truth in these stories, even when they are fiction.

I pour sake into your cup...

Once upon a time there was an old kung fu master who wanted to settle the issue of who would inherit his school. He had two students of equal caliber and he could not decide which one was worthy of being the next master. He settled upon a test to determine who would inherit the mantle.

He called the two students to him in the garden. He explained to them his dilemma and then described his test: the title of master would go to the student who could first draw an animal the master could recognize.

Each student grabbed a stick and found a dirt patch. The first student drew an oval head and then traced a trailing "S" on the ground. He proudly looked down at his snake and thought to call the master over. But then he noticed the second student was still hard at work on his own drawing.

Concerned that perhaps his snake was not recognizable enough, he started scratching some additional squiggles for legs onto his snake. As the first student moved to start the front legs, the second student threw down his stick and showed the master his finished drawing.

The master proclaimed the second student as the new master. Then he approached the first student and asked, "Why were you drawing legs on your snake?"

Surprised, the student answered, "I was afraid you wouldn't recognize it, so I was turning it into a lizard."

"So," said the master, "your hesitation today has cost you the title of master."

That's enough for you today. Let us drink again another day.

Thank you for spending time with the Antagonistic Buddha.

Quotes

It should be easy to spot a black belt in a crowd, he should walk like a Marine on roller skates. -- Frederick Lovret

The Ultimate Warrior leaves no openings -- except in his mind. -- Anonymous

Winning is not everything, but wanting to win is. -- Vince Lombardi

The Sobriety of Budo Training; Deshi's Report

I, Deshi, report on this week's training.

There was an accidental discharge on the pistol range. The Range Master was furious and disciplined the responsible neophyte in front of everyone. Fortunately, no one was hurt. The neophyte will receive additional shifts in the kitchen.

Although noone was injured in that accident, there were two injuries in our unarmed Budo training. Certainly we are no strangers to minor bumps, bruises, and abrasions from strikes or grappling, but we know the most dnagerous portion of the training is in throws. One neophyte broke his wrist from poorly executed ukemi after being thrown. Another neophyte was thrown too roughly and seperated his shoulder. Fortunately no one was gravely injured, and they will be able to return to training after apprpriate rest and recuperation.

These incidents have, at least for me, highlighted why the Antagonistic Buddha reconvened out raining last week with a call and warning to stay focused. There is danger even in our ordinary training.

The Great Sage Returns

We are overcome with joy! The Antagonistic Buddha; the Great Sage, has returned from his mission. I, Deshi, shall report now.

Sunday evening, our meal was interrupted by the tolling of our great bell -- the Bell of Lost Souls. The other neophytes and I straightened in our seats at the peel of the deep, hollow sound. We knew the bell announced the return of our beloved and revered master, the Antagonistic Buddha.

We rushed like a tide out of the student's mess. We were a wave of saffron colored robes and grey samue work garb. Bouncing down the stone staircase, I was buffeted on all sides by other neophytes eager to catch a glimpse of the returning Great Sage. I could see the revered one past a pillar. The Antagonistic Buddha was standing in the middle of the clustered masters. He was smiling and laughing with them. We all cheered as the neophytes poured into the courtyard. The Great Sage threw down his traveling staff and waved both hands in the air to greet us in return. Some of the advanced students surged forward and lifted the Antagonistic Buddha on their shoulders and swept him into the dojo. That was the last I saw of him on Sunday.

The Antagonistic Buddha was waiting for us in the dojo when we reported for practice on Monday morning. He reminded us that practice must be serious, our intentions pure and focused, and our attention unwavering. Our masters have always been clear that our training is not intended to produce hot house flowers that have been cultivated for aesthetic beauty. We are more like working dogs being groomed to perform special service.

Someday we will be directed to serve beyond our community. Even as I ponder my own future service; I wonder what calamity required the direct intervention of the Antagonistic Buddha himself.

Quotes

An unwillingness to deal forcibly with violence does not equate to moral rectitude. -- Mary Malmros

Be master of mind rather than mastered by mind. -- Zen saying

Courage is like love; it must have hope to nourish it. -- Napoleon Bonaparte

A Warrior Runs

We approach the empty cup. We are wearing sweats; our running shoes are arranged neatly by the door.

Of all the exploits of the Ancient World, few are better known than the messenger's run after the Battle of Marathon. As legend has it, the Athenian hoplite Pheidippides ran the 26 miles home to announce the Greek victory over the Persians. After delivering his statement, "Rejoice, we conquer," he fell dead in the square. We, who have seen marathons on the television, may know someone who has competed a marathon, and know of even more grueling events such as the Triathlon, may wonder at this final detail. Why would he die? But we are not told of the soldier's exertions in the crush of battle. In any event, we are reminded by this story the simple truth: the warrior runs.

I pour Gatorade into your cup.

It bears repeating: the warrior runs. The warrior runs, and runs, and runs. But the warrior does not run for the mere sake of running. The warrior runs with a purpose in mind, and to do that, the warrior must know how best to run.

Let me begin with this caveat. I am a martial arts master and spiritual guide. I am not a running coach. Too many students regard the master as the sole source of wisdom on all matters. However, a truly wise man knows what he does not know. I urge you to research beyond my basic suggestions and discover for yourself. As Musashi said, "Study this well."

Running improves cardiovascular fitness and overall stamina. This is obvious; and were it not true, high school phys ed teachers and coaches would not demand their athletes run. In the beginning, one should run simply to improve the ability to run. This means gradually increasing the time and distance for running.

Distance running is used to establish a minimum level of fitness. Some have said you should be able to run one mile for every minute you expect to be in a fight. Those who fight, however, will recognize this is not precisely true.

Distance running only trains one kind of response in the runner; the steady, plodding pace produces a steady, plodding athlete. Fighting, like jazz, requires the ability to improvise and change rhythm. To change the rhythm, the Budoka must have the ability to produce sudden bursts of energy, repeatedly. For that, you must eventually work interval training into your running routine.

Interval training involves mixing your steady, paced distance running with a series of repeated, short sprints. It is easy to do. As you run, pick out a target 50 feet ahead of you, then sprint as fast as you can to reach it. Return to a steady pace to regain your breath, then repeat. In a 30-minute run, you should aim to do this 10 to 15 times. It is not as easy as it sounds. And again, do not attempt this until you have established basic aerobic fitness.

Running does not come easy for some of us. I include myself in this group. But it is a matter of discipline. A Budoka does not run because he likes it; he runs because it is part of his training. I endorse running outdoors, and in most weathers. Running under these conditions is refreshing, and it polishes the soul. Personally, I do not run in snow or ice. Most of my running is done early in the morning before or at dawn. Running in the dark over ice is foolhardy. I will, however, bundle up to run in the bitter cold.

Generally, I do not condone running with a portable music device plugged into your ears. This is counter to good Budo as it interferes with your awareness. You are vulnerable while running to many dangers. Many runners use these devices as crutches to overcome boredom. A true Budoka should not be afraid to spend a few minutes alone in contemplation. Indeed, moments alone are extremely rare these days and should be treasured. In this sense, running is not only good for your body, but it is good for your soul.

Thank you for spending time with the Antagonistic Buddha.

Quotes

The FAQ that can be read is not the True FAQ
The answers that can be posted are not the True Answers.
The Superior Man hears not the whining of newbies
and is not singed by the flames of the Net.
Belts do not bind him, nor trophies burden him.
Discarding all, he gains all, and follows the Way.
Got any spare change, Pal?
-- Lao Tzu, as paraphrased on rec.martial-arts

The undisturbed mind is like the calm body water reflecting the brilliance of the moon. Empty the mind and you will realize the undisturbed mind. -- Yagyu Jubei

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. I consider them unwise and I know they are dangerous. Also, sinful. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him. -- Mark Twain

Charlatans!

The "Forest Goblin"

Greetings, Gentiles! I am the Stout Master, and we now return to my chronicle of the Antagonistic Buddha's early years, when he was known by his given name, J_____. In my last installment, J_____ met a mysterious stranger in the woods.

The stranger was, of course, the gnarled Old Warrior and the man who would become J_____'s second major mentor during his stay among the community of Drunken scholars.

As I reported last time, the Antagonistic Buddha has related that the Old Warrior's first words to him were, "I've been waiting for you. And we need to talk." However, the Great Sage has left the exact nature of these words a mystery. Obviously, they did talk, and given their continued association, we must assume that whatever the Old Warrior's need was, it was met. Although the Great Sage maintains many mysteries about his mentor, he has shared much as well.

The Old Warrior was no saint. He was a troublemaker in his youth, and told J_____ he was caught up with "drinking, gambling and women; breaking hearts and playing with guns." Trouble like that put him in front of a judge who offered the young man a sober choice: jail, or the Marine Corps. He chose the Corps and never regretted it. He loved the Corps, and often said of it, "No greater friend, no worse enemy." It was an outlet for his interests and boundless energy. He kept volunteering for more advanced training and dangerous duty. He became a Recon Marine and raised his hand one too many times...

The Old Warrior volunteered for an ill-defined secondment to a shadowy unit with an innocuous-sounding name, the "Studies and Observation Group." He landed in Southeast Asia and was promptly assigned to a small team of Army personnel. The mission, he discovered, was to "study and observe" the enemy in his own backyard from as close as he could get. The Old Warrior had a talent for sneaking around and also for keeping his teammates alive. Despite being a relatively junior NCO and a Marine in a largely Army unit, he was selected as a team leader or "One-Zero."

His exemplary work in special reconnaissance got him selected for other duties. Most of these duties are best left undescribed, but he once told J_____,"Even now, every time I dream, I hear the men and the monkeys in the jungle scream." Through most of the war, the Old Warrior worked with a partner, Tex, an Army Special Forces NCO cut from the John Wayne mold.

The Antagonistic Buddha looks sad when he quotes his mentor's memories of this long ago war: "Well, I remember one night, Tex and me rappelled in on a hot LZ. We had our 16's on rock'n'roll and with all of that fire I was scared and cold. I was crazy, and I was wild. And I have seen the tiger smile. I spit in a bamboo viper's face, and I'd be dead but by God's grace." The Antagonistic Buddha has said the Old Warrior changed his view of war, warriors, and the warrior arts.

After their first conversation, J_____'s trips into the woods were different. The Old Warrior began teaching J_____ woodcraft, J_____ learned to make a debris shelter. He learned to collect water in the wild: form dew, from rain, even by distillation. He learned to track and stalk. J_____ learned that tracking animals was far more difficult than tracking any human, even an experienced woodsman. Eventually, J_____ could survive, in relative comfort, for a week with nothing more than a sturdy Ka-Bar knife.

The Old Warrior taught J_____ his other skills -- the "dark arts" as he called them. These skills included, among others, sentry removal. "It doesn't take much skill to sneak-up on a guard at Three in the morning in the woods. It's a very different level of skill to sneak up on an alert sentry standing on a gravel road at Three in the afternoon. The Old Warrior could do that." J_____ learned to tie-up and secure a captive. He learned to lay an ambush. He learned to knife fight. The Old Warrior taught J_____ the martial arts he learned while stationed in Japan, including a rough style of Jodo.

When the Old Warrior had taught J_____ everything he knew, he gave J_____ two symbolic gifts: the Ka-Bar he carried through Asian jungles, and Tex's Ranger Tab. The Great Sage has always kept these items securely in a keepsake box with other mementos of the Antagonistic Buddha's travels and education.

Quotes

Aikido is not a defensive art. Being defensive is a terrible way to go through life -- quote on a dojo wall.

Though a thousand fall at my side, though ten thousand are dying around me, the evil will not touch me. I will see how the wicked are punished, but I will not share it. -- Psalm 91

Victory is reserved for those who are willing to pay its price. -- Sun Tzu

The Watcher in the Woods

Greetings, Gentles! I am the Stout Master, and I return to our review of the early travels of the Antagonistic Buddha, a time when he was still known by his given name, J_____.

At our last break in the story, the Drunken Disciples of God were complete with five permanent members. The Drunken Master, Tom Collins, and J_____ had added Kate and Scratch to the secret society for debate. We had established the attraction between the Drunken Master and Kate, but recognized the way Scratch turned Kate's head. These matters are crucial to J_____'s journey; however, we must put aside this narrative thread for the moment...

One of J_____'s treasured pleasures was secluding himself in the woods that surrounded the campus. He would do a sitting meditation, or a contemplative walk to center himself. J_____ found great joy being alone with wild nature.

One bright afternoon, J_____'s meditation was suddenly disturbed by the notion that he was not alone. This did not alarm J_____, at least as first, because he often encountered fellow students on cross-country hikes, drunken binges, and even lovers' trysts. Once he had encountered local residents poaching deer out of season. That was a potentially dangerous possibility, and J_____ knew enough to stay very still before carefully scanning the woods for the source of his feeling. A sudden movement -- such as quickly turning his head -- could earn him an arrow through his anatomy.

He believed poachers were a strong possibility, because whoever was with him was trying to stay hidden. J_____ exercised great patience as he scrutinized his surroundings. Finally, he caught sight of an older man standing stock still several yards away.

The man was looking right at J_____; he even had the impression the man was looking through him. The man was stooped and supported himself with a five-foot-long staff. His skin was weathered and tanned, like leather, and dressed in an olive field jacket and muddy jeans. The man could have been mistaken for a twisted tree trunk. The stranger had long gray hair tied back, and flowed out from under a faded Tiger Stripe boonie hat.

The stranger watched J_____ for several minutes, but never spoke and never came any closer. Eventually, a solid black crow flew down and perched on the man's shoulder. This made the man shrug, and the crow fluttered. The stranger grunted and turned to leave. At this point, the light through the trees hit the right side of his face, and J_____ could see the leather eye-patch the man wore.

J_____ often encountered the bent stranger on subsequent walks, but never spoke to him. It became a game to sense the old man's presence sooner and sooner on the walks. J_____ came to realize the stranger was watching him almost as soon as he left the dormitory. Despite this surveillance, J_____ never felt threatened.

One afternoon, Scratch invited J_____ to go rock climbing with some friends. The area was rife with short cliffs and rock walls perfect for beginning climbers. J____ accepted the invitation and soon found himself scrambling up a 35-foot wall. With triumphant satisfaction, J_____ reached the top and reached for a final handhold. He was startled by someone gripping his forearm and helping him over the lip of the cliff.

"I've been waiting for you," the old man told J_____, "And we need to talk."

More Notes from Budo Training

I, Deshi, will describe this week's training.

To our sadness, the Antagonistic Buddha has been absent from the dojo. He received an urgent call to action last Friday afternoon. The Great Sage wasted no time packing his gear. The last any of us saw of him, he bid us farewell before stepping into the yellow taxi that took him to the airport.

We were left in the care of the Silent Master. The advanced students assure us that the Silent Master is the finest technician among the masters, but they also fill us with various rumors and gossip about him. We have learned the Silent Master is stern, but fair.

Training under the Silent Master is very different from the playful style of the Antagonistic Buddha. The Silent Master demonstrates, and we do our best to mimic him. It is up to us to find our mistakes and correct them. The Silent Master does not repeat his demonstrations once he has concluded the movement. This is the old method for transmitting Budo, and it places the responsibility for learning squarely upon the student.

It is very much a time for drilling kihon waza. We stand in kamae, or shadow box through our various strikes. The silence we have adopted in deference to our teacher helps to focus our minds. Only occasionally do we break this silence with the dull thud of fists connecting with makiwara, or the clatter of practice weapons clashing.

Practice under a different teacher has provided us with new insight. Still, we all look forward to the return of the Antagonistic Buddha.

Quotes

-- We tottered together upon the brink of the fall. I have some knowledge, however, of bartisu, or the Japanese system of wrestling... I slipped through his grip... -- The return of Sherlock Holmes

-- When you aim for perfection, you discover it's a moving target. -- author unknown

-- To tremble before anticipated evils, is to bemoan what thou hast never lost. -- Johann Wolfgang Goethe

New Excerpts from Budo Training

I, Deshi, speak the profound words of wisdom the Antagonistic Buddha shared in our training this week:

-- Tranquil as a forest. But on fire within. Once you find your center, you are sure to win. We must be swift as the coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon. With all the strength of a raging fire, mysterious as the dark side of the moon.

-- Fear is the perception of a failed outcome; nothing more. Leave fear behind. Tell yourself you are good at this; and just do your job. Just do your job and trust that you will get through it.

The Last Two Drunken Disciples of God Join

Greetings, Gentles. The Stout Master continues his chronicle of the Antagonistic Buddha's youth. We are now examining his college years, a time when he was still called, J_____. In my last report, I described the foundation of "the Drunken Disciples of God," a secret society devoted to debate. I pick up the story with the addition of new members.

Tom Collins suggested the fourth member of their cabal: Kate. Tom Collins felt strongly that a woman's voice needed to be at the table, and it helped that Kate brought balance in other areas. Like Tom Collins, she had no kung fu. She was, in fact, an avowed pacifist. Kate also professed to be an atheist, which brought some much needed irony to the "Drunken Disciples of God." Her debating style was fearsome and her specialty was dramatically deconstructing faulty logic. Kate was famous for reducing strong men to tears.

However, Kate was also tall, blonde, and leggy. She had the kind of looks that make men stupid. It was little wonder when the Drunken Master fell madly in love with her. Kate was the Yin to his Yang. Although Kate returned his attention, she did not truly return the Drunken Master's love. The two hovered near each other with the impending tragedy of a moth and flame. The Drunken Master was soon lost in her.

Kate brought another issue to the Drunken Disciples of God. Now they were four, and it was possible to deadlock on votes. This was particularly a problem because Kate delighted in opposing the Drunken Master even on insignificant issues. Clearly a fifth permanent, voting member was necessary. J_____ believed he had the perfect candidate.

J_____ met Nick through the campus karate club. Nick was a brown belt in kyokushin kai karate and went by the nickname, "Scratch." Kyokushin kai is an aggressive and direct style, and Scratch sparred with brutal efficiency. The Great Sage says Scratch had one of the most powerful roundhouse kicks he has ever encountered. Scratch loved a good fight, and he told everyone he'd done a 50-Man Kumite in high school.

In debate, Scratch's reputation was for incisive common sense. he used this talent to strong effect for the Drunken Disciples of God as the tie-breaking vote and Devil's Advocate. As Devil's Advocate, Scratch's job was to assess the flow of the discussion and jump in on behalf of the weaker side. His deft ability to change sides abruptly caused some observers to label him devious or subversive, but this was his appointed role. Despite being the most junior member of the permanent group, Scratch was respected and treated as an equal.

Yet, adding Scratch to the Drunken Disciples of God changed the dynamic. the observers -- those on the fringes of the society -- noticed the changes first, but couldn't quite put their finger on what was wrong. or what was changing.

But it was someone outside the society, one of J_____'s friends, who first noticed the looks that passed between Kate and Scratch...

Duty Calls!

My friends!

I had planned on posting my thoughts on running as a supplemental fitness activity on Sunday, March 1st. However, I have received a desperate message from an old friend, and I must answer this summons. The fight against the unrighteous never ends, and I must continue to do my part.

I will leave you in the capable hands of my disciples. The Stout Master has agreed to post more from my biography, and it is possible that Deshi will share more of his observations from our training. Perhaps another of my disciples will also have thoughts to share. We have yet to hear from the Silent Master, but that is to be expected.

I will return as swiftly as events permit.

Quotes

You may train for a long time, but if you merely move your hands and feet and jump up and down like a puppet, learning karate is not very different from learning a dance. You will never have reached the heart of the matter; you will have failed to grasp the quintessence of karate-do. -- Gichin Funakoshi.

Enemies you threaten make armies. Enemies you destroy make graves. -- author unknown.

The stick is equally as deadly as the blade in the right person's hands. -- Suro Mike Inay

The Role of Fitness for the Budoka

We approach the empty cup. Are you out of breath?

It is written in the Jingde of the Lamp that Bodhidharma left the court of the Son of Heaven to meditate at the Shaolin Monastery. He contemplated a wall for nine years without speaking, then mysteriously left. All he left behind was an iron chest in which the monks found a manuscript, the Yi Jin Jing. By reading the Bodhidharma's gift, the monks discovered the miraculous exercises that would improve their health. The fitness regimen become the basis of Shaolin Kung Fu... or so the story goes...

I pour Gatorade into your cup.

"Fat Ninja."

You laughed; or at least, you smiled. It is a funny image. How could you not be amused?

Immediately your mind seized upon the image of a bumbling , rotund man dressed head to foot in black -- probably jogging along a tiled rooftop and unsuccessfully attempting to be silent. It is absurd. How could such a man remain unnoticed? How could such a man squeeze through secret holes? Would such a man have the agility to fight the dozens of armed samurai any half-way decent ninja could easily handle?

It is my opinion that the manufacturers of Budo Uniforms have no business making them in Double-Extra-Large. Fat men have no business in real Budo. This may seem harsh -- perhaps it is. Perhaps I should allow the obese into my training in order to lose weight and gain the benefits of Budo.

But I don't.

Instead, I tell them to lose the weight first. Some, of course, are angry and complain. But I make it clear to them: if you don't have the discipline to lose the weight, you don't have the discipline for Budo.

Throughout history, it has been the nature of the warrior to run. He runs to battle. he runs during the battle. Sometimes, he runs from battle. The warrior runs.

The warrior is also a pack animal. He carries his armor and weapons to the battle. He endures their weight in battle. And he returns with his valuable tools of his deadly trade; hence the Spartan woman's admonition, "Return with your shield, or on it." Frequently the warrior carried his own supplies for food, shelter, and camp life. Logisticians and Historians tell us the packload of the Roman legionary and the modern US Army Ranger were roughly the same (depending upon the mission), between 80 and 110 pounds. This takes strength and endurance.

Fitness, therefore, is not an afterthought of the Budoka: it is an essential trait. Even for Budoka who are not professional warriors, fitness matters. Fitness determines the amount of punishment the Budoka can dish out and the amount he can sustain. A fit body resists damage better, and heals better from any damage that is inflicted.

Despite being a physical activity, Budo -- at least, in the sense of the practice of Kihon waza, kata, and randori -- is not enough to sustain the fitness of the Budoka. Though Kihon, Kata, and Randori are an essential component of Budo fitness, we must in future posts explore the other elements of fitness training.

Excerpts from Recent Budo Training

I am "Deshi," the newest student of the Antagonistic Buddha; the Great Sage. It is my duty to record the thoughts uttered by the Antagonistic Buddha during our daily Budo Training sessions and report them on a weekly basis. Here are a few of the Great Sage's pearls of wisdom:

There is a rhythm to Budo, but it is not a regular, steady rhythm: "1 - 2 - 3." True Budoka must be aware of the half-beats: "1-and-2-and-3-and." The Budoka must use these half-beats to his advantage. He must set the rhythm and not allow the other to dictate the rhythm.

We accept the basic premise of Brazilian Jiu Jutsu that it is good and healthy for members of the species to roll around with each other half-naked. What we must question is the notion that it should be a same-sex event.

You must be ready at all times for anything. You believe you are prepared for an adversary's punch, but what if he attacks you with a rubber chicken? You laugh. But will you still be laughing when he hits you with it? With so simple a gimmick, he has captured your mind.